Break Through Your Threshold: A Conscious Love Conversation
By Jai Maa
A conversation with your higher power about conscious love is what it may take to allow yourself to accept what the universe is offering.
Since I was a little girl, I had always wanted to be in love with my best friend. I imagined having someone I could play with on the playground as I hold their hand, kiss their cheek, and call them my very own. As I grew older, I found myself single more often than not. The few short-lived relationships I did create were not as I had imagined as a pure-hearted, innocent child who knew love was the answer. I found myself willing to compromise my dreams in order to keep a partner, give up power in order to “keep the peace,” and even tolerate abuse. I had a list of what I wanted in a partner, and even when I had that kind of person come into my life, something always felt missing.
I wanted connection. I wanted to feel safe, seen, and loved for who I was without conditions. I wanted to feel comfortable just being myself without putting on a show to keep my partner. I wanted a conscious, loving relationship.
Until now, I have chosen relationships that suited my ego. I purposely selected partners who looked a certain way, had a special kind of intelligence, had money or prestige, or something that made me look good. These relationships never lasted because they were created from the fear that I was inadequate. I needed those partners to feel better about myself, and therefore, no real love could grow in those containers.
Recently, a new man came into my life. There is a significant age difference. After getting over the initial shock of “holy smokes, this is actually happening,” I made a choice to consciously love the new partner that had been sent to me.
Very quickly, I felt like a chicken and wanted to fly the coop. My mind wrestled with all the reasons why I should not love this man in this more intimate way. I pray daily, often all throughout the day, and together with my new partner we pray for Divine Guidance of how to let our love grow and blossom.
Just looking into the eyes of my beloved, my heart would clinch and my mind would take over in an attempt to control him to feel more comfortable with myself. This is not love, but power struggle.
Wanting so much to be in the consciously loving partnership I had been praying for, I took my fears to God. I received the Divine Guidance: “Do not push or pull. Give Me your fears and pain. Do not allow fear to control your relationship and block the love that is here for you.”
I reflected on what it means to “push or pull” on another. If I’m afraid, I try to push my partner to do something differently or pull by taking energy from him in some way. What does it mean to just be still and allow love to flow? Again, I went into prayer and asked for guidance.
God said, “Stop living in the future and the past. Be present with the love that is here now and allow it to unfold.”
This was hard for me to do. I kept thinking about my past relationships and calculating what I believed was happening now. I also projected my concerns of the future… “What if I break his heart and jade him to never love again? What if he breaks mine and leaves me for someone younger? That’s what happened with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.” Again, I heard the loving voice of God say, “Be present to the love that is here now. As long as you remain present, you will see that your love is unlike any other. I will guide you.”
But my protests continued… “What will others think? What if this affects my business and people stop taking me seriously?” God responded, “Love yourself. When you truly love yourself the way I love you, it won’t matter what others believe. If you are judged by others, it is an indicator of their own inability to love themselves. Be strong in the love you have for yourself and for your relationship. Offer compassion and grace to those who judge you. They have yet to discover the depths of My Love.”
I began to empathize with those called by God as the leading edge examples of True Love. There have been many who have been assaulted for loving outside of their race. Others have been chastised for loving outside of their religion. Some have been shunned by loving outside of their social class or money status. We are just now breaking down the law barriers to honor those who love in their own gender. Why do we harm others who love newly and differently? Can we learn to relax into loving ourselves more deeply and offer more love to others?
When I revisited the kind of conscious partnership I’ve always wanted, I realized I got so much more than what I’ve been praying for. It didn’t come in the package of what my ego-mind thought it should be, but in a way to break down the barriers of my heart so that I could love even deeper.
For the first time, I feel unconditionally loved and supported by a partner to thrive as my full, authentic self. I don’t need to put on a show or play games to keep him. I find myself loving God, this man, others, and myself in a fuller way than I ever felt possible. It is my greatest wish that all others can experience in their hearts the level of joy and gratitude that this leading-edge love has given mine.
Enlightenment Challenge: Where are you pushing and pulling on someone you love? Where are you living in the past or future and missing out on the love that’s here for you now? Master the art of being still, keep your heart open, and stay present to love no matter the form it takes.